The ejaculatory reflex is the natural response to stimulation and sexual activity. It involves multiple muscles that emit and eject semen from your body. If you know how to control ejaculatory reflex or even delay it, you can last longer in bed.
This is one way to treat premature ejaculation (PE).
In fact, most of the PE treatment methods work by delaying your ejaculatory reflex which ultimately delays ejaculation.
We have covered the 9 proven techniques to control your ejaculatory muscles and delay orgasm during sexual intercourse:
Table of Contents
What is Ejaculatory Reflex?
The ejaculatory reflex is the process of semen emission and ejection from the male body during sexual stimulation. It involves multiple muscles and nerves including impulses. It’s called ejaculatory reflex because once you are stimulated and the ejaculation process is started, it becomes a reflex reaction.
The ejaculation process happens in two phases as explained in this study:
- The sperm move to the beginning of the urethra from the testes. This phase is known as the glans-vasal or emission phase
- The sperm or semen is ejected from the posterior urethra. It is known as the urethromuscular or ejection phase.
This process involves multiple muscles and your central nervous system. The epididymis and ductus deferens muscles contract during the emission phase to push the semen into the prostate and urethra. Then the contraction of the bulbocavernosus muscle expels the semen during the ejection phase.
These muscles contract and do their work based on the stimulation received from your penis in the form of nerve impulses. The signals pass from the spinal cord to your brain which directs the muscles to contract and initiate the ejaculatory reflex process. As soon as the ejaculation process is started, it converts into a reflex reaction that can’t be interrupted.
How to Control Ejaculatory Reflex
You cannot interrupt the ejaculatory reflex, but you can control it once it’s initiated with the help of the following scientific methods and techniques:
1. Be Mindful
The simplest, but difficult, way to control ejaculatory reflex during sexual intercourse is via your brain.
You need to train your brain to control ejaculation. This requires practice and patience. The ejaculatory reflex reaction is controlled by the brain based on the sensation generated in the penis during stimulation.
So, how can you control ejaculation with your brain and mindfulness?
Here are a few techniques you should try:
- Actively try to control and delay ejaculation during sexual intercourse. This means you have to stay alert and active instead of enjoying the sexual activity as you normally do
- Deviate your thoughts amid sexual intercourse. You need to think of something else instead of sex. The more you are involved in sex, the earlier you will climax. And when you think of some random things during sexual intercourse, you can significantly delay the ejaculatory reflex
- When you notice you are about to orgasm, slow things down. Don’t haste
- Break ejaculatory reflex by stopping sexual intercourse in the mid. For example, pull out your penis from the vagina amid intercourse and switch to foreplay, sucking, or you can even stop sex at all. However, you need to discuss this upfront with your sex partner. This is a great way to train your brain to last longer in bed by controlling ejaculatory reflexes
- Focus on your brain instead of emotions and physical activity during sex. Focusing on the brain means keeping it active and engaged in something else.
When you are working with your brain to control the ejaculatory reflex, it is strongly recommended to keep your partner in the loop. Because it might negatively impact erection. For example, thinking about something else during sex might lead to a loss of erection and this might get embarrassing if your partner doesn’t know what you are up to.
If you are a fan of yoga or brain exercises, try them. It really helps.
2. Deep Breathing
The way you breathe, when you reach climax, impacts your ejaculatory reflex. Deep breathing is scientifically known to help delay ejaculation as discussed in this study. Slow and deep breathing when you are about to ejaculate shuts your ejaculatory reflex.
Here is how deep breathing works for premature ejaculation (PE):
- When you are about to reach climax during sexual intercourse, start breathing from your diaphragm instead of your lungs
- Take a deep breath, hold it for 3 to 5 seconds, and then exhale slowly
- Repeat it several times to an extent that your ejaculatory reflex reaction is minimized.
Again, this breathing exercise requires a lot of practice. You need to stay alert and keep your mind active. Notice orgasm with caution and as soon as you get a feeling that you are about to reach climax, start deep breathing exercise.
Timing is crucial.
And you must have strong willpower to get out of the current moment by stopping thrusting and switching to deep breathing.
3. Squeeze Technique
The squeeze technique, also known as the Master and Johnson technique, is a scientifically proven method to delay ejaculation by controlling the ejaculatory reflex. A review study reported that the squeeze technique is an effective way to delay ejaculation and increase ejaculation duration when it is used with other methods for curing premature ejaculation such as SSRIs.
The squeeze technique is a 4-step process to controlling your ejaculatory reflex during sexual intercourse:
Step #1: Stimulate
The first step is starting sexual activity normally and reaching stimulation.
Step #2: Squeeze
Squeeze your penis with your hand when you are about to come. You don’t have to pull out your penis, keep it inside and squeeze it with your hand and stop any movement.
Again, you need to stay alert and squeeze your penis at the right time before reaching climax. Do it in time or else, you won’t be able to control the ejaculatory reflex.
Sep #3: Pause
Take a pause of 30 to 60 seconds and keep your penis squeezed. This pause is necessary because it will help you reverse the ejaculatory reflex.
Keep note of the following during the pause stage:
- Avoid any movement
- Don’t move your hand over your penis
- Keep your partner busy with licks and kisses in the meantime.
Step #4: Repeat
After a minute or so, you can start intercourse again but only when you are no longer aroused and the ejaculatory reflex is reversed. If you are still stimulated after 60 seconds, add a few more seconds.
The idea is to control ejaculatory reflexes. If you get a feeling that you will orgasm if you start sexual activity, don’t do it.
You can repeat these squeeze and pause steps over and over again as long as you and your partner are fully satisfied.
Note: You need to discuss it with your partner (recommended). Else, things might get too awkward and might backfire if you will squeeze your penis in the middle of sex. Discuss it with your partner and take her in the loop.
4. Start-Stop Method
It is another scientifically proven technique to alter and delay your ejaculatory reflex – and it works great. This method works exactly like the pause-squeeze technique, but it requires more practice and phenomenal willpower.
Instead of squeezing your penis with your hand, you need to stop penis movement when you are about to reach climax and ejaculate. Of course, this requires some hardcore skills to stop at the right time. This is what makes the start-stop method an advanced and updated version of the squeeze technique.
Since it doesn’t involve squeezing your penis, the start-stop technique is ideal for those who don’t want to (or can’t) take their partner in the loop. It is easier to stop and switch to some other sexual activity (e.g., sucking or licking) than holding your penis and squeezing it.
Here is how the start-stop technique for premature ejaculation works:
Step #1: Initiate sexual intercourse normally
Step #2: Stop movement and thrusting when you are about to reach climax (and about to cum). Do it at the right time well before reaching orgasm or you won’t be able to stop the ejaculatory reflex when it kicks in
Step #3: Wait for 30 to 60 seconds or until the desire to orgasm is over and you feel normal with no beating in your penis. You don’t have to necessarily pull out your penis when you are not thrusting, but it is recommended to pull it out and keep her busy with your kisses and licks
Step #4: Proceed with the intercourse again when you are no more stimulated
Step #5: Repeat this multiple times.
Start-stop method is advanced and requires practice. It is a good idea to start with the squeeze technique and then gradually shift to the start-stop.
5. Kegel Exercise
Kegel exercise or pelvic floor exercise is quite helpful in controlling ejaculatory reflex as it helps you control Kegel muscles which support sexual function and bladder. Kegel exercise targets pelvic floor muscles that consist of muscles from the pubic bone to the tailbone.
It strengthens pelvic floor muscles that help you control ejaculation and ejaculatory reflex.
How to do Kegel exercise?
It is simple, follow these steps:
- Tighten your pelvic floor muscles for 3 to 5 seconds and then release. You need to stretch the lower part of your penis as if you are stopping urination. These are the muscles right below the testicles that need to be stretched
- Keep your muscles relaxed for up to 3 seconds and then stretch again for 3 to 5 seconds
- Do it multiple times throughout the day in different positions such as sitting or lying.
Doing pelvic floor exercise regularly gives you more control over ejaculatory reflex and you can control it easily during sexual intercourse. Keep practicing.
6. Topical Products
Topical or numbing products are applied to male genitals for reducing sensitivity. These desensitizing products contain a topical anesthetic like benzocaine or lidocaine that numbs your penis which reduces sensation, and you can last much longer in bed.
Local anesthetics work by blocking signals at the nerve endings. The blocked signals don’t reach the brain and the brain can’t initiate the ejaculatory reflex due to lack of signals. In simple words, your brain doesn’t know what’s happening and it delays the ejaculatory reflex.
The effect of the numbing products is temporary so these signals eventually reach your brain and the ejaculatory reflex is initiated.
Using topical products on your penis is generally safe and these products are approved by the FDA. For example, you can use delay sprays, wipes, condoms, oils, and other topical products that use one of the following for numbing your penis or reducing its sensitivity:
- Lidocaine
- Benzocaine
- Herbs.
Check out this list of the best desensitizing products for premature ejaculation for more details on what’s right for you.
7. Home Remedies
Natural home remedies can help you improve ejaculatory reflex control if you can’t delay ejaculation due to a deficiency of a certain nutrient. And there are several foods that help you delay orgasm naturally with more control over ejaculation and ejaculatory muscles.
Zinc, for example, is scientifically proven to make you last longer in bed and zinc deficiency leads to premature ejaculation. Similarly, there are multiple fruits, vegetables, spices, and herbs that are scientifically proven to delay orgasm naturally.
Not all of them enhance your control over ejaculatory muscles. These natural foods help your body in different ways to delay climax and enjoy sex for a longer duration.
Check out this list of home remedies for premature ejaculation to find out more about natural ways to control ejaculatory reflexes.
8. Counseling
You can seek help from a medical expert and get counseling sessions to control ejaculatory muscles. This is often quite helpful as you get to know a lot of things that you won’t find anywhere else.
It is quite helpful in learning to control your brain during sexual activity and how to naturally delay ejaculatory response. Your questions will be addressed and progress is monitored, so it is quite useful for premature ejaculation patients.
Research shows that physical and psychotherapy are both effective methods of curing PE especially when coupled with medication.
However, you can’t choose counseling yourself. Your doctor will recommend when, how, and what type of therapy you need. You can share your desire to undergo a therapy session, but the medical expert will decide if you really need it.
In any case, if you get a chance, do opt for counseling as it will help you a lot in the management of ejaculatory muscles.
9. Prescription Medicine
There is no FDA approved prescription drug for premature ejaculation. Doctors use off-label medicines for treating premature ejaculation that mostly include antidepressants like sertraline or paroxetine.
Almost all antidepressants have a common side effect in that they delay orgasm. This is because antidepressants improve mood, sleep, and emotions, according to a study. So, prescription medicines help you control ejaculatory reflex indirectly instead of directly like other methods.
If nothing else works, you should consult a medical expert for assistance related to premature ejaculation.
What’s the Right Way to Control Ejaculatory Reflex?
Start with the easiest technique and then take it from there. A lot of men prefer using topical products as they are easy to use, available online, and work instantly. You should start with a numbing product to make your life easier.
In the meantime, practice other techniques to control ejaculatory muscles such as breathing exercise, squeeze technique, mindfulness, and others. These techniques require patience and practice and might not deliver results instantly. And this often leads to a lack of motivation and poor commitment.
It is, therefore, much better to start with an easier method and practice other techniques with it. You will keep motivated and won’t lose hope. It works best in the long run.
Updated: August 19, 2023