Achieving sexual satisfaction is only possible when you and your sex partner both cum. Women need a lot of time (averaging 20 minutes) to ejaculate while an average man ejaculates in under 6 minutes. If you don’t know how to hold back from cumming, you will fail to satisfy her.
Holding off your orgasm and delaying it purposefully isn’t too hard if you know the rules of the game. Once you know how to hold back ejaculation, you can last as long as you want in bed.
Literally, as long as you want…
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Why Do You Need to Hold Back from Cumming?
There are several reasons why a man should hold back orgasm and cum slowly:
- To have a pleasurable sex experience and enjoy it for an extended time
- To make her come first so she is fully satisfied
- To overcome premature ejaculation.
Whatever the reason, you must know how to hold to stop ejaculating during foreplay and intercourse. This can prove to be a key to a happy, successful, and satisfying sex life.
We have compiled a list of the best scientifically proven techniques, methods, exercises, and ways to hold back ejection during sex and last longer in bed with her:
1. Control Your Mind
Controlling your mind is more important during sex than anything else. It is more important to control your mind than your body. Once you have full control over your mind and you are in the moment, you will not reach climax quickly.
You need a stress-free mind to have full control over ejaculation.
Research shows that anxiety leads to premature ejaculation. If you are anxious, stressed, and worried about lasting longer in bed, you might end up cumming way too earlier than your usual average.
Why?
Because your brain will start thinking that you are in a state of constant anxiety and stress (during sexual activity), and it will try to get you out of it as soon as possible (to save you and your body). This is how the human brain works. It will persuade your body to come quickly and get out of the sex state to get out of stress.
This is known as sexual performance anxiety. You need to stop
So, the basic rule is to stop thinking about climax and orgasm before sex. Clear your mind and be in the zone. Enjoy and don’t worry about lasting longer.
When you go into sex with a clear, focused mind, you are more likely to enjoy it, last longer, and you will be able to have full control over cum. You will be able to stop it and even control it.
If you are stressed and don’t have full control over your mind, you might not be able to follow any techniques to hold back from cumming.
Follow these tips for mindful sex:
- Be in the present moment
- Clear your mind and enjoy romance, foreplay, and sex
- Focus on what you are doing instead of your thoughts
- Keep your eyes open during sex as it helps you focus on the moment and your partner. You are more likely to delve into your thoughts with closed eyes
- Keep talking with your partner throughout the sexual activity. Avoid staying silent. Praise her, ask her how she is liking it, talk about stuff you like to do with her, etc.
- Play romantic music in the background to stay in the moment.
Key Takeaway: Your mind is the most powerful weapon you have. If you have control over it, you will naturally last longer in bed and you can easily hold back ejaculation.
2. Don’t Let Her Drive You
If she drives the sex, you might not be able to hold your come. You need to take control of the sex yourself so you can stop or take a break when you are about to cum (more on this later).
Females need a lot of time to orgasm while men reach climax way too quickly (as compared to females). So, if your woman is driving the sex and she is in the moving position, she can make you cum in 2 minutes without a break.
It’s natural.
When you are controlling sex movements, you can sense when you are about to ejaculate and that’s the time when you can stop or change position to hold back your come.
It is least likely to stop or hold ejaculation when she is driving sex.
Key Takeaway: You should be driving sex and penis movements.
3. Switch Sex Position
One of the best ways to hold back from cumming too early during sex is by changing sex position. This gives you a few seconds which are enough.
Here is what you should do:
- Start sex normally with any position. Make sure you are driving the sex. When you are about to reach climax, pull out your penis and ask her to change position
- Ask her what position she likes and go to that position because she is more likely to orgasm quickly in a posture she likes
- Switch to a sex position that you like the least and she likes the most. This will make her cum quickly while you can regain your stamina
- When changing sex position, give a few kisses and licks on her breasts. This is a nice way to get out of the extreme climax position and it will give you 1-2 minutes of additional time
- Repeat the process when you are about to cum in the second sex position
- Choose sex positions where you are driving the sex. Don’t let her drive the sex. She can make you cum in a minute at this stage.
Again, you can do this when you are mindful and not anxious. If you are stressed, you won’t be able to stomach before the climax and you might give her the driving seat and cum in a few minutes.
Short of sex position ideas?
Check out the most searched sex positions in the US to get some interesting ideas for your next encounter:
Key Takeaway: Changing sex position gives you time and distraction to hold back your cum. Pull out your penis when you are about to orgasm and ask your sex partner to change sex posture.
4. Spend More Time with Foreplay
If holding back from cumming is important for you due to sexual performance anxiety or to give an orgasm to your sex partner, then adding spice with foreplay should be your preference.
A study surveyed 1,055 women and found that only 18.4% of women said that intercourse alone is enough for orgasm while 73% reported that foreplay, especially clitoris stimulation, is necessary for orgasm. You can orgasm a woman without sexual intercourse. This makes satisfying her easier than you think.
What’s clitoris stimulation?
Clitoris is said to be the most sensitive part of the vulva with more than 8,000 nerve endings (this is twice as many nerve endings as you have in a penis) so you can imagine how sensitive it is. You can stimulate it with the finger, licks, kisses, or in any way your partner likes.
Clitoral stimulation majorly involves stimulating the clitoris hood and clitoris:
Stimulating the clitoris is just one part of the foreplay. There is a lot you can do during foreplay to spice things and make your sex partner orgasm before sexual intercourse:
- Talk dirty
- Get close and touch her everywhere
- Kiss her on sensitive body parts such as breast, neck, vulva, clitoris, thighs, and back
- Suck her breasts
- Use your tongue, lips, and hands
- Ask her what she wants
- Give her control during foreplay and let her take the lead.
Key Takeaway: Foreplay sets the stage for intercourse. It sets the mood. Use it to your advantage by making her orgasm. You can!
5. Deep Breathing
Your breathing style is known to help you hold back from orgasm. Breathing deeply and slowly nearing ejaculation shut your ejaculatory reflex and you can easily stop cumming.
It is a yoga practice that is scientifically proven to help delay orgasm. This study has listed all the yoga practices including breathing practices to overcome premature ejaculation and delay climax. NHS UK also recommends taking deep breaths to delay come as a solution to premature ejaculation.
How to breathe to hold back your come?
Take a deep breath for 5 seconds when nearing ejaculation. Hold it inside for 3-5 seconds and then exhale slowly. Keep repeating it until the desire to orgasm is gone.
You need to breathe with your diaphragm instead of your lungs. Here is how:
Sounds easy?
No.
It requires practice.
It is hard to control your breath when you reach climax. It sounds easy, but when you are in the zone, it is easy to forget and it gets really tough to control your breath and breathing style.
You need to do 2 things to use it effectively:
- Avoid reaching the extreme stage of climax. Stay alert and initiate the breathing process well before reaching orgasm. Be proactive instead of reactive
- Practice breathing exercises outside of sex in your daily routine. This will help you do it during sexual activity.
Key Takeaway: Breath deeply and slowly as cumming nears to slow stimulation and hold back climax easily.
6. Use Squeeze Technique
The squeeze technique is quite useful in holding your come. Once you master this technique, you won’t need any other method to delay your orgasm.
It works like a charm.
It is a scientific technique backed by several studies. One study reported that the squeeze method can increase ejaculation time by a whopping 65%.
Here is how the squeeze technique works:
- Start sexual activity normally
- Squeeze your penis with your hand or voluntarily when you reach climax
- Keep it squeezed for 30-60 seconds until arousal disappears and you feel normal
- Repeat this process as many times as you want.
Check out this step-by-step squeeze technique guide for more details.
It is recommended to discuss it with your partner, so she knows why you have stopped in the middle of sexual activity. If you can’t talk to her, it’d be best to switch to the start-stop method.
Key Takeaway: Squeezing your penis when you reach climax can help you hold back come and is scientifically proven to increase ejaculation time by 65%.
7. Start-Stop Method
This is like the squeeze technique and works exactly in the same way. The problem with the squeeze technique is that you can’t squeeze your penis in the middle of intercourse. It gets awkward especially if you haven’t discussed it already with your sex partner.
With the start-stop method, you don’t have to squeeze your penis, rather just stop any movement when reaching climax. This is an advanced and scientifically proven version of the squeeze technique because you need some hard skills, mindfulness, and control to stop before coming.
Here is how to do it:
- Start sexual intercourse
- Stop thrusting when you are about to reach climax and fully aroused
- Wait for 30-60 seconds and let yourself calm down
- Repeat.
So, you need to stop any penis movements when you feel like cumming. There are 2 key things to note here:
1. Stop penis movement at the right time. When you are fully aroused, every second counts. A wrong move can push you to a point of no return. The earlier you sense climax and stop yourself, the better.
This might be hard to judge initially but practice will make you perfect.
2. Utilizing the 30-60 second stop gap strategically. Your partner might need more from you exactly at that moment so keep her busy with licks, kisses, breast sucking, or simply ask for a position change.
There are several ways to reduce your stimulation while keeping her fully aroused. It depends on your mindfulness and strategy.
If you can practice deep breaths during the stop (or pause) duration, it will take your sex game to a whole new level. Again, it requires some serious practice and skills.
Keep trying different combinations and see what works best for you in terms of delaying and holding back ejaculation.
Key Takeaway: Start-stop method works great for holding back your come during intercourse. Make sure you stop thrusting at the right time and take a break for up to a minute to lower stimulation.
8. Try a Cock Ring
Cock, penis, or constriction ring is another way to hold back your orgasm and enjoy some hardcore sex.
A constriction ring goes at the base of your penis and when it becomes erect, the ring helps you maintain an erection for a longer duration as the blood is trapped in the penis by the ring.
You are more likely to have a longer, better, and harder erection with a cock ring.
And it is also believed that it may help in delaying ejaculation too. There is, however, mixed scientific evidence on the effectiveness of penis rings for delaying climax in men.
A 2004 experiment found that cock rings increase ejaculation time 11-fold and respondents were able to hold back for an average of 8.8 minutes.
Later a 2007 study found no significant difference in intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (IELT) between men who used a penis ring and men who didn’t for 4 weeks.
Both these studies were conducted on men suffering from premature ejaculation, so they already had ejaculation issues. Men who don’t have PE might be able to last longer with these penis rings as these rings are scientifically proven to improve both erection and sexual sensation.
Simply wearing this ring might not help much in holding back your come. You will need to couple it with deep breathing, squeeze technique, and other orgasm delaying tactics to make it work. A penis ring will help you have a powerful erection, and you need to be mindful to delay climax before reaching a point of no return.
Shop for penis rings here and choose the one that’s right for you.
Key Takeaway: You can give these constriction rings a try and see if you can hold back and delay your come. In any case, you will have a better erection and wild sex as your erection will last much longer.
9. Try Desensitizing Products
Desensitizing products like delay sprays, condoms, wipes, oils, and gels are best at delaying ejaculation. These products reduce the sensitivity of your penis and help you hold back from coming.
A desensitizing product contains a topical anesthetic (benzocaine or lidocaine) that numbs your penis and increases ejaculation time significantly. Several scientific studies have proved the usefulness of using such products.
Here is how to use a topical OTC desensitizing product:
- Apply the product to your penis head and shaft before sexual intercourse
- Absorb the contents and wash your penis
- Wait for 10-20 minutes for the anesthetic to function. You can proceed with foreplay during this period
- Once you feel numbness in your penis, you can go ahead with intercourse
- Using the start-stop, squeeze method, and breathing technique with a desensitizing product will significantly increase its effectiveness.
Washing your penis is important, else the numbing effect might transfer to your partner, and she might need a lot of time for an orgasm. You need to make sure you use your numbing product smartly and mix it up with other techniques mentioned above.
Check out this list of the best desensitizing products that are most likely to help you hold back from orgasm. Choose the product that fits your taste.
Key Takeaway: Desensitizing and numbing products give you more control over sex and ejaculation. You can easily delay coming for as long as you like with the right product.
10. Use Your Tongue and Hands
If your primary motive is to satisfy your partner by delaying your orgasm, this technique is for you.
I know holding back your come is too hard especially if you have premature ejaculation or you are practicing the techniques discussed above. If you reached the point of no return and couldn’t stop yourself from cumming, it’s OK.
Just because you have reached the climax, doesn’t mean you should walk away. Partner satisfaction is essential as it will save you from anxiety and stress the next time. So, make sure you don’t leave your partner unsatisfied and in the middle of sex when you have ejaculated.
You can use your tongue, lips, fingers, and other body organs to cum her. And you should because 73% of women don’t orgasm with penis penetration alone.
Here is what you should do to give an orgasm to your female sex partner after you have cummed:
- Switch to oral sex
- Touch, kiss, and lick her clitoris (this is most likely to cum her)
- Play with her boobs and nipples
- Kiss her at her favorite spot (try finding it yourself)
- Give her vagina some love.
Clitoris stimulation is the key to giving her orgasm. Play with it for a few minutes and see the magic.
Key Takeaway: Make sure your partner has cummed too. Don’t just focus on your orgasm. You can make her cum without your penis.
Bonus: Kegel Exercise
Kegel or pelvic exercises are widely known to improve your ejaculation time as they target pelvic floor muscles that are responsible for ejaculation. But this is a long-term technique that doesn’t work instantly.
While you practice other techniques, don’t forget to do the following exercise to naturally improve your ejaculation time and better control over ejaculatory muscles:
- Locate your pelvic floor muscles by stopping urination in the middle. Notice the area where you feel stress, that’s the position of pelvic floor muscles and it should be stressed whenever you do Kegel exercise
- After the muscles are located, you can now do simple stretching exercise whenever and wherever you want
- Tighten your pelvic floor muscles in any position (sitting, lying, or standing) and keep them stretched for 3-5 seconds
- Release and wait for 5 seconds
- Tighten your muscles again for 3-5 seconds
- You can do this exercise multiple times throughout the day.
It might not show any result instantly, but it will help you in the long run in holding back your cum.
Holding Back Cum Isn’t an Issue
Holding back your cum isn’t a big deal. It requires practice, mindfulness, and focus. If you practice the techniques discussed above, you can do it without any issues.
But what’s more important than stopping early ejaculation is sexual satisfaction.
At the end of the day, you and your partner must be satisfied with the encounter. If you cum early, despite all these techniques, you must stay in the game and make her come too. This is the only way to avoid sexual performance anxiety in the succeeding sexual encounters.
Updated: August 19, 2023